DOs and DON’TEVENF’NTHINKABOUTITs of event attendance
Wow, I’ve wanted to write this post for a while, but I didn’t want to do it after I’d just hosted some event, because I didn’t want people to think I was talking about those who were at that event. Now that it’s been about three weeks since my last party, I’m just going to lay it out there.
DO RSVP promptly: If you plan to come, tell the hostess as soon as you can, so she can plan catering and other arrangements with minimum last-minute hassle.
DON’T show up without RSVPing: It’s rude. I hesitate to say anything more, because if you don’t understand that…But, basically, it throws things into chaos for the hostess. And is rude.
DO call if, at the last minute, you can’t make it: And by “the last minute,” I mean anything up to a couple of hours before the event. In addition to the fact that sending an email is the wussy way out, the hostess is probably running around making preparations for the party, not sitting in front of the computer. She’s not going to know where the hell you are, and yes, if she invited you, she will care whether you’ve been stabbed to death or just couldn’t make it. Pick up the phone; it’s not heavy.
DON’T bring an uninvited guest to an invitation-only party: It’s rude. Again, this should need no further explanation, but…See previous DON’T.
DO email, text, or call with an apology if you RSVP and then don’t show: It’s the polite thing to do, and proves you’re not a totally self-centred person who doesn’t mind messing other people about. Personally, I’d rather hear “I just couldn’t be bothered to leave the house” than not to get an explanation at all.
DON’T call the hostess while the party is in full swing and ask, “So, where is the party?” You’d be surprised how many professional, intelligent, otherwise highly functioning people pull this one. I understand an “Oh, shit, I left the address on my desk and I’m on the bus, I’m sorry!” phone call, but ringing up all casual about the fact that you didn’t bother to read the detailed directions is lame.
DON’T be surprised if you violate any of the above and never get invited back by the hostess.
DO tell the hostess if you’re a vegetarian/vegan/fruitarian/lactose-intolerant/whatever. If she’s a good hostess, she’ll make sure there’s SOMETHING there you can fill up on, even if it’s only couscous, salad, and fruit. Personally, I am not able to let someone go hungry at an event which I am hosting, so you’ll save me (or, more likely, whichever guy volunteers to do so) the hassle of rushing out mid-party to buy food you can eat.
DON’T call the hostess six times a week in the run up to the event, just to tell her that you’re not sure if you can make it or not. If you were invited, you are wanted; fishing for the hostess to beg you to attend is just sad.
I’m sure I’m forgetting things, but that’s what comments sections are for.
Here’s one you missed: Don’t call the host/hostess the minute the event starts asking “Is anyone there yet? or What’s happening?” Just get yourself to the party.
I may print this list out and include it in my next set of invitations.
I don’t think I’ve thrown a dinner party since my husband and I attempted to have a small one for his brother for his birthday, and he, unbeknownst to us, invited everyone at his favorite pub to show up and bring a keg. Our house was full of 40 to 50 people we didn’t know until 4 or 5 in the morning.
I’m scarred for life from that one.