Keeping kids busy
Since when did the entire western world start buying into the idea that kids need to be kept busy? I read this story from my hometown newspaper and found myself irritated that this was taken as axiomatic.
Sure, it’s great to have stimulating activities for kids. But they also need time to do “nothing” - daydream, develop an imagination, be unstimulated enough to innovate their way out of boredom. (If I complained of being bored as a kid, my parents would tell me to clean my room or come to them for a list of other chores that would keep me occupied. This was a great tactic: I quickly learned not to complain of boredom and to find things that would interest me. And guess what? I have never been bored as an adult.)
My favorite summers were when I was 11 and 12. My parents would drop me off at the city pool at 8AM on their way to work, where I’d swim until lunchtime. (I didn’t really have a lot of friends back then…okay, I had none. So this was a solitary activity for me, but at least I was outside and not hiding from people.) Then I’d eat my packed lunch and walk to the library, where I’d spend the next five hours reading until my parents picked me up on the way home. Even at 31, that sounds like a pretty great way to spend one’s days.
Thank God they didn’t push me into rigidly structured days of “activities” (they wanted to enroll me in a summer program at the Y, but I begged not to go, as I hated being told what to do or having itineraries determined by others imposed upon my days…very much like I am now).
I’m not saying I don’t think parents should find interesting things for their kids to do, but I think they should allow their children more time to discover those things for themselves - even if it’s “just” daydreaming.
Filed under: Life
Couldn’t agree with you more, Jackie (and I feel like I type that nearly every day!) - when we were kids it was expected that we would entertain ourselves. Considering how we all turned out fairly normal, I’m not sure why our peers have decided to be quite so obsessed with planning and supervising their children’s every waking moment. I think there are two main contributing factors, though: the perceived (and totally unfounded) fear of perverts on every street corner, waiting to molest little Jimmy if he’s let out of his parents’ sight for a minute; and the shift to a completely child-centred world, where the needs and wants of kids seem to be more important than the needs and wants of adults.
Agreed, Jacq.
From my own experience growing up, I can pinpoint another problem: Parents think kids expect to be entertained when they really just want some attention from them. Kids don’t know how articulate this need. They’re not likely to say, “Please take notice of me. Please show me that I matter by taking a few minutes to talk to me.”
I read a quote once that said that, in effect, spending time doing nothing together is the glue that holds together meaningful, longterm relationships (with a partner or spouse). I’d argue that this applies to kids as well.
Don’t even get me started on our kid-focused world. I feel so sorry for kids who know they are running the show, and are living without the healthy boundaries and discipline that parents are supposed to provide. I absolutely agree with those who say that the parents’ partnership, not the children, should be the number one priority - how else do kids learn how to have a healthy adult relationship of their own? It’s a win-win for all concerned. Not so much when the kid is calling the shots and the parents are always fighting over why their child is a brat and who’s not enforcing rules and why the mother has no attention for the father because she’s so focused on the unruly kid…etc. It’s just plain sad.
I’m going to write a big ranty blog entry about the youth-centred world one of these days, because it’s becoming such a factor in a lot of my work and it’s so clearly doing kids a massive disservice in the long term.
“irritated that this was taken as axiomatic.”
Me too!
The idea that busyness is a virtue for kids and adults alike is something I come across nearly every day.