Jackie Danicki

Gosh, I’ve gone all political today. Feels like old times.

Antoine and I are engaged. I have conflicting feelings about marriage. Some of them I can’t quite put my finger on, but a conversation with Antoine and Patrick Crozier before dinner last night did help.

I was saying how strongly in favour of gay marriage I am, and that in fact I would advocate for polyamorous marriage, people marrying trees…whatever. Anyone whose union is defined solely by the state and state benefits that result is deserving of pity, no doubt, but that doesn’t mean it’s the government’s business.

In fact, precisely because it is not the government’s business, I’d love to see the government forced to give tax breaks to as many people as possible, even if it’s based on something as irrelevant as whether they’ve found someone with whom they want to grow old. Then the whole ‘equal rights’ argument ceases to exist, and instead the focus shifts to the fact that the terms of a marriage can and should only be defined by those involved, based on various factors - culture, politics, religious affiliation (including belief in the non-existence of God), etc. Nothing to do with politicians.

This ties in with a comment that Patrick made, that the real bugger is that the state will only enforce one specific marriage contract. For example, why shouldn’t Antoine and I be able to write our own, just as one can write one’s own business and legal contracts? I mean, we can write our own as it stands, but it’s not enforceable under law. Which, unless I’m missing something (and you’ll email me if I am), is silly.

This helped me put my finger on one of the things that bothers me about marriage: I don’t sign contracts which don’t perfectly serve my needs and purposes. Why would anyone?

My dream is a world where even marriage contracts can be licenced under Creative Commons and enforced by law. We can do better.

What I do not believe is that marriage is ‘just a piece of paper’. Rubbish. That’s all the state contract is, and as I say above, if that’s all your relationship has, then your problem isn’t the piece of paper.

Filed under: Life