More excellent dating advice from Gwen
How to reject and how to accept rejection. Gwen’s so wise, it’s crazy. Especially this part on how not to handle a rejection:
Do NOT say:
“What? Why not??” or
“But… but… I thought…” or
“I think you’re making a big mistake, because…” or
“Well, then you’ve been leading me on all this time,” or
anything with bad words in it.
Ugh, there is nothing worse than a guy telling you that you’ve been leading him on, coming on to him, etc after you’ve just told him that you like him as a friend. No, take my word for it, I have not.
So many guys mistake friendliness and genuine interest in and appreciation for what they have to say for some sort of raging lust that I have come to believe that parents really should teach their children about this sort of thing as a matter of importance (many girls are probably just as bad at mis-reading signals, in both directions; Antoine has a funny way of telling when a guy is more interested in me that way than in the just-friendly way I perceive him to be). But let’s just say this: Even if you’re POSITIVE the girl has been leading you on, it makes you look desperate and sad to say it out loud. Just let it - and her - go. If she’s that dishonest, you don’t need her as a friend, either.
Filed under: Life, Men and Women, Relationships
Thank you for the link. And, OH MY GOD, yes, to everything you said. If I had a nickel for every time a guy claimed I was flirting with him, when I was in fact just being polite, then I’d haul those nickels to Starbucks right now and get a sugar-free latte.
I’m like, “Dude, when I want you, you’ll *know* it, because my tongue will be in your mouth, okay?”
I get accused of being a flirt all the time, and it really upsets me, because I must not know how to be friendly without making someone think I want to tear his clothes off. But you’ve made me realise, Gwen, that it’s the guys’ problem, not mine. I’m not going to care anymore.
That’s all sound advice IMO - I wonder if part of the problem is trashy romantic TV and movies where the hero wins the affection of the leading babe by sheer dogged persistance… what in the real world would be classed stalking really.
Also I think American women often get misunderstood by british men cos Americans are just more friendly towards people they’ve just met and are more animated conversationalists than brits… not to suggest it’s ‘your problem’ in the slightest - just something I’ve observed a few times.
BTW any chance of letting us know what antoines method is? I promise to use the information for good and never evil.
“Antoine’s method”? Heh. I actually chased him, though he was totally oblivious to it for several months. Then when he told me he liked me, I told him he was crazy and mistaken. It wasn’t exactly a linear progression…
> So many guys mistake friendliness and genuine interest in and appreciation for what they have to say for some sort of raging lust
So many women mask intense attraction with feigned indifference that it is unsurprising that so many men can’t interpret the signals. And lots of women still believe in playing hard to get.
> the hero wins the affection of the leading babe by sheer dogged persistance… what in the real world would be classed stalking really.
I did this once, and never came anywhere near stalking. Furthermore, the leading babe, who genuinely hadn’t been particularly interested at the start, ended up falling in love with me and going out with me for three years.
I think the point is that not all love affairs start out as instant mutual attraction. We often grow to like someone over time. If that someone doesn’t bother trying, then perhaps we won’t notice them. Is it really such a huge sacrifice to live in a world in which some people occasionally misinterpret signals and have an embarassing minute or two? Because, without that, romance is pretty much dead.