Jackie Danicki

I love this quotation from Joseph Epstein (via my friends Chris Yeh and Ben Casnocha):

We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, or the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time or conditions of our death. But within all this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we shall live: courageously or in cowardice, honorably or dishonorably, with purpose or in drift. We decide what is important and what is trivial in life. We decide that what makes us significant is either what we do or what do refuse to do. But no matter how indifferent the universe may be to our choices and decisions, these choices and decisions are ours to make. We decide. We choose. And as we decide and choose, so our lives formed. In the end, forming our own destiny is what ambition is about.

Chris also highlights Stanford professor Carol Dweck’s thinking on the two basic mindsets that exist in people:

Fixed: The fixed mindset believes that one’s abilities are largely fixed. Activities are undertaken to prove one’s worth (or avoided to prevent being found out as a fraud).

Growth: The growth mindset believes that achievement comes through intelligent effort and execution. Activities are undertaken to stretch one’s capabilities, and failure is not the devastating evidence of incompetence, but a valuable signal of where to focus one’s efforts.

My own experience is that surrounding myself with people who possess the growth mindset leads to greater learning and a happier life for me. Some of these people do not naturally have this mindset, but they make the effort to pursue that belief through their actions. Being around them - working and striving to live a better life - makes a massive difference in my own mindset and level of excitement about life.

At the same time, being around people (or even one person) who truly believes they cannot change or grow, who truly believes that choices are not theirs to make, is the single most happiness-sapping thing I can do to myself. There is something infectious about this refusal to live a good life, about this determination to limit oneself in the interest of risk avoidance. It’s a way of living that has appointed fear as the captain, and there’s nothing as scary or destructive. No run-of-the-mill failure is as frightening as this ultimate failure.

This is my favorite quotation on failure:

Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is…How thankful I am today, to know that all my past failures were necessary for me to be where I am now. Through much pain came experience and, in suffering, I became obedient…Through experience and obedience, growth started, followed by gratitude. Yes, then came peace of mind…

Filed under: Life