Opinions and fear
Lately I’ve been struck by how much some people talk about their fear of what others think.
“Well, I would wear that, but I’m afraid people would think it’s too outlandish.”
“Well, I really wanted to go to the party, but I was afraid people would think I was a loser if I went alone.”
“Well, I almost told him how much I appreciated all his help, but I was afraid he’d think I was being too mushy.”
In every single instance, it has been my humble opinion that the fear was utterly baseless. This has really made me question my own fears about what people will think, and whether I am being judicious or plain silly. (Writing down the fear helps. What seems perfectly sensible within the confines of one’s own mind often looks comically stupid in our own handwriting.)
Something else I’ve found to be true: The ones who care the most what people think are those who insist the most loudly and forcefully that they don’t care what other people think. I have yet to see an exception to this in my own life.
Do you worry much about what people think? What if you were wrong? If you were right, what would be the worst case scenario that could result from disregarding those opinions?
two things I have learned about fear Jackie.
1. it has never turned out as bad as I expected-never
2. its all mind over matter, I don’t mind and they don’t matter
As I’ve become older and wiser I care a lot less about what other people think of me. This is mainly because I’ve realised that thinking like that is a form of egotism, really - the idea that people are sparing all that much energy to judge me and my behaviour is usually misguided! I know that I don’t dwell on what other people say and do, so it’s foolish to assume that I’m making more of an impact on other people than they’re making on me.
Bear in mind the Rhett Butler principle:
Frankly, my dear, the world doesn’t give a damn what you do.
In fact, most people are so preoccupied with their own problems and sexual habits that they won’t even notice your actions (unless your actions include regular public nudity).
My favourite kind of Jackie post. You’re so right on this. In the end one has to drop second guessing other people’s negative reactions, because it’s impossible to do so accurately, even if it were right to drop positive actions for that reason. This kind of thinking is about stopping one from doing things; an inertia-producing “bad meme” we get infected with while young, I think.
Also Jacq is right about the egotistical side of this, although it can be hard to spot when egotism seems to be focussed on everybody else’s opinions (… of oneself, duh).
This might be a good time to say- Jackie, I think I committed this very sin a little while ago when you posted an incredibly nice Qik video about me, and I wanted to say wow thanks! and that’s so nice! but was a bit dumbstruck instead. So- wow thanks that was so nice!
Pat: Thank you for that gem!
Jacq: Nigella Lawson speaks of how shy she was as a child and teenager. One day, her mother turned to her and said, “What makes you think YOU’RE so special that everyone is looking at you anyway?” Now, her mother had major jealousy issues once men started whistling at Nigella and not her, but there is validity in what she says.
Chris: I’m glad you added the open-to-interpretation qualifier “regular”…
Alice: Thank you. Really.