Jackie Danicki

Not surprisingly, I like what Alice Bachini-Smith says here:

[I]f you think (as I do) that parenting is a job, a different thing from “the personal relationship you have with those people who happen to be your kids” (although they are related- it’s easier to guide and facilitate someone better when you know them intimately well), perhaps that job is essentially very simple indeed. You feed them, clothe them, take care of their health, facilitate their learning and development as much as possible.

…Parenting isn’t hard. Great parenting that includes great growthful happy family relationships is hard.

I’m looking for a word like parenting to describe the job of being someone’s child. Apart from when old age and/or illness strike parents whose relationship with their child is healthy and loving, kids shouldn’t be expected to take responsibility for their parents. Kids who have been burdened with looking after a parent, emotionally or otherwise, suffer badly as a result. But even in those healthy and loving relationships, there is an element of occupation about being someone’s child. Is there a word for this?

Back to Alice:

A lot of Western culture radically misunderstands and exaggerates the commandment about honouring your parents- it doesn’t actually mean signing your soul away in blood at all. Just being respectful. Sometimes that means respectfully not getting involved. Let’s all get over that. The fact that someone fed and clothed you does not mean they necessarily hold a specially close or treasured place in your heart as an intimate friend to whom you turn in times of trouble for wisdom or support.

…Or that you have to subject yourself to their destructive behaviour for the rest of your life. I’m reading Why Do I Love These People?, an interesting read on family dynamics with some gripping stories from people all over the world, and I really wish there was more in it on children who have cut off a parent or parents (but that would probably change the angle of the book a great deal). I know a lot of people who have done this, and everyone feels free to judge and condemn them for it, but I don’t know a single soul who’s done so without a great deal of forethought and considerable pain over the decision. There’s also a lesson about individuality vs collectivism in there. Hmm. Maybe I should write that book.

Filed under: Children, Happiness, Individuality vs Collectivism, Life