Jackie Danicki

I was sick last week, and thought it was mostly out of my system by Friday.

Then I woke up on Saturday feeling as though I’d been hit by a dump truck. I hurt all over, my head was killing me, and - a new development - I could barely sit up without feeling dizzy. Standing was nearly impossible, and I could only walk a few steps before I had to sit down. The color of everything turned neon pink and it felt as if I were going to faint whenever I wasn’t lying down.

It genuinely didn’t occur to me to go to the doctor until Hillary - with whom I share a house and who was alarmed at how I looked - ordered me to. I thought I’d just carry on and wait for it all to go away. After three days in the same condition, it made sense to me not to continue without consulting my fabulous new GP.

He was alarmed to see me like this, and worried about my dangerously low blood pressure. My BP seems to be on the lower side normally, but it had plummeted quite a bit since he’d seen me just four days previously. “You’re heavily sedated,” he said. I told him I had barely been able to walk the 100 yards from the Palo Alto train station to his office. As well as feeling I might faint, I was bumping into things and had an embarrassing amount of trouble even navigating the hallways to his examination room. (His nurse, who is super friendly, was very kind in helping me and not making me feel more embarrassed.)

His diagnosis: sedation as a result of the three new medications (two for anxiety, one to help me sleep) that he’d prescribed for me on Friday. I was to stop taking everything and drink loads of water. And he did not want me to go back to work until I felt at least 80% well. I was even ordered to lie around, eat salty things, and do nothing work-related. (Not that I could. My typing had suffered a lot, I could only talk in a really out-of-it tone, and my thinking was terribly fuzzy.)

I had to stop at CVS to get something salty to eat, and also picked up some orange juice (which I usually do not drink) and sodium-free, caffeine-free Diet Rite. Walking from the store to the train, I struggled with my bags. A man on a bike stopped me and asked if I was okay. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so just stuttered incoherently. He warned me kindly, “No more drinks today!” I wanted to tell him that I haven’t had a drink in more than two years, but couldn’t get the words out. It struck me as funny, but quite unjust, that I appeared to be drunk. (I finally got a cab from the Sheraton to the train station. It’s a trip of two minutes, max, but well worth the price.)

Through all of this, I’ve realized a few things:

1) It’s extremely egotistical to believe my colleagues can’t cope unless I’m in the office.
2) I have to be my own good parent. No one else will take care of me.
3) I can go without makeup for a day and survive.

I feel better off of all the medications and will go back to work tomorrow. The best medication in all this has been a good dose of humility, which I can always use. Lucky me!

Filed under: Life