The one where I’m kind of a jerk (again)
Last month in New York, a friend and I stopped in at this bar after dinner. Let’s call it Bar X. We didn’t even buy drinks - just flopped down on one of the leather couches and half-watched I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! while checking our email on our iPhones. (Yes, we are that nerdy and moochy.)
There was a guy sitting on an adjacent couch who started making off-hand remarks about the show to us. My friend and I were all, “Yeah, so true” while not looking up from our phones. Occasionally, we’d smile at him and respond with something more substantive. At some point, he introduced himself and we gave him our names, too. It was one of those utterly unremarkable interactions with strangers that happen in western cultures every day.
…Until the guy made it totally awkward.
“You guys don’t mind me talking to you, do you?” he asked.
“No! We’re just chilling,” one of us responded.
“Because I don’t want to be that weird guy in the corner who creeps people out by striking up conversations with them.”
“No, really, it’s fine,” one of us replied.
“I mean, I feel kind of weird about just talking to you. Is it lame that I just said that out loud? I don’t even know you. I don’t want you to think I’m a total loser.”
Well, we didn’t until you said all THAT.
Today I received this message from my friend:
Omigod, that guy who was bothering us at [Bar X] is bothering us…at [Bar X].
It was so funny because my friend and I were there and the place was looking a little strange so I said, “Oh, let’s go sit on the couches” so we’d get away from the craziness. So we walk over and just as I’m about to plop down I notice that there’s a guy sitting by himself on that couch by the window….exactly where that guy was sitting. So I thought to myself, “Eh, why not, it’s not like the guy sitting there is going to be as annoying as that guy who wouldn’t leave Jackie and me alone….” But then as soon as my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized it was him. And he was using the same tactics: involving himself in our conversation but then apologizing for intruding etc.
People, don’t be that guy. There is no scenario, romantic or otherwise, in which a compete lack of confidence is appealing. If you need to share about it that much, there are plenty of places you can go to do so. The world at large isn’t one of them.
Filed under: Life
He sounds dodgy to me- not necessarily sincere about the lack of confidence, maybe trying to get attention/ power by behaving just inappropriately enough to make people feel pissed off & imposed on. This is the same sort of game that seriously dangerous people play in order to create a sense of false trust/ obligation for abusing later on- it’s important to recognise it as “off” and stay away. I would call it harrassment, and report it as such to the bar owner.
Holy crap, Alice. You’re totally right. This is why I insist upon having friends who are smarter than I am!
Even creepier now that I think about it. I’ve met guys like this before and they ARE complete creeps. Ugh. Feel all icky now.