Jackie Danicki

Last night, I was out with some male friends, and as Antoine wasn’t with us, I thought it would be a good time for me to get nosy and ask them about their experiences of romantic relationships, what drives them crazy about women, etc. Call it research.

All I can say is, after the conversations we had, I think many men would do well to print out this relationship advice from Amy Alkon and leave it somewhere their partners can find it.

Amy has repeatedly paid a very high compliment to Antoine (via me) - that he reminds her of Gregg, her boyfriend. She writes of Gregg:

Now, I happen to have a very sweet, generous boyfriend, and my worry, if anything, is that he does too much for me, and I don’t want it taking him away from his work. But, perhaps I have that boyfriend because I see everything he does for me as a gift, not some obligation on his part.

Same here. I’m continually amazed at all of the wonderful things Antoine does for me, all of the value he adds to my life, and how fortunate we both are to have one another - and not a day goes by that I don’t let him know that. The day I start feeling like I have a divine right to all of the above-and-beyond stuff, we’re doomed.

So when I hear stories of girlfriends who barely mutter a “Thanks” when they get a Tiffany bracelet ‘just because,’ who hoard their physical affection like nuts for a winter that never comes, and who think that doing so is just going to make a man more eager to ‘commit’…Well, I have to wonder where they get their ideas about love. My guess is that the rot starts at home, with the example their parents gave them growing up.

And that’s why it drives me absolutely batshit to hear mothers (it’s never fathers, funnily enough) say “Our children are our number one priority. Everything else comes second.” What they usually mean is that they sacrifice a better relationship with their partner “for the kids’ sakes”. Utter rubbish. The best thing you can do for a child is give them a sterling example of what a healthy, loving adult relationship is like. That means putting your relationship first, not neglecting each other just so you can spend another hour designing your life around your childrens’ activities and playdates.

(I know how annoying this must be for a parent to read from someone who is childless, but I have not seen any evidence or arguments which suggest that I am wrong about this.)

Filed under: Life