Jackie Danicki

NOTE: This is not a Cincy thing.
ADDITIONAL UPDATE: My hesitance to get specific has caused some hurt and confusion for some. This is what I’m referring to.

I’m hesitant to name names here, but tens of thousands of people have been observing this situation over the last two weeks (and preceding months) and if you have, you will know who I am referring to when I say that the whole deal has been screaming “Narcissism!” (I have had the displeasure of working for an extreme narcissist, and boy was that a mindfuck I’m not willing to repeat, ever. That said, the experience made it very easy for me to cut a narcissistic “friend” out of my life later on, much more quickly than I would have if I had not been able to recognize the red flags after only a few months.)

Here are some basics of narcissists. Pay close attention to the first two sentences, because you’d be surprised how many seemingly “nice guys” really aren’t:

Narcissists are good actors. They are adept at charming others, persuading them, manipulating them, or otherwise influencing them to do their bidding. The narcissist’s sense of self-worth is unstable (labile) so, the narcissist relies on input from other people to regulate his self-esteem and self-confidence. He focuses on potential sources of supply and engulfs them with focused attention and simulated deep emotions. Only in later encounter, as time passes and the number of interactions grows, is it possible to tell that someone is a narcissist. Narcissists are preoccuopied with grandiose fantasies and unrealistic plans. They are poor judges of reality. They are bullies and often resort to verbal and emotional abuse. They exploit people and then discard them. They have no empathy and regard their co-workers as mere instruments objects, tools, and sources of adulation, affirmation, or potential benefits.

…Workplace narcissists seethe with anger and resentment. The gap between reality and their grandiose flights of fancy (the “grandiosity gap”) is so great that they develop persecutory delusions, resentment and rage. They are also extremely and pathologically envious, seeking to destroy what they perceive to be the sources of their constant frustration: a popular co-worker, a successful boss, a qualified or skilled employee. Narcissists at work crave constant attention and will go to great lengths to secure it - including by “engineering” situations that place them at the center…They firmly believe in their own omnipotence and omniscience. They feel entitled to special treatment and are convinced that they are above Man-made laws, including the rules of their place of employment.

…The narcissistic bully very often gets his way: He gets promoted, the ideas he “adopted” become corporate policy, his misdeeds are overlooked, his misbehavior tolerated. This is partly because, as I said earlier, narcissists are excellent liars with considerable thespian skills - and partly because no one wants to mess around with a thug, even if his thuggery is limited to words and gestures.

The guidelines for dealing with a narcissist are also quite good. Key sentence:

Narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their freedom.

If you ever dare to suggest that he has made a mistake, the narcissist will lash out in quite an aggressive - but, in their mind, totally justified - way. Why?

[I]t is not malice that drives them. They believe in their own destiny, superiority, entitlement, exemption from laws promulgated by mere mortals. The narcissist regards himself as one would an expensive present, a gift to his company, to his family, to his neighbours, to his colleagues, to his country. Resistance calls for strenuous measures. Disagreement with the narcissist is bound to be the outcome of ignorance or obstructionism. Criticism is malevolent and ill-founded. The narcissist trusts that he has the full moral justification to battle his foes. To his mind, the world is a hostile place, full of Lilliputians who seek to shackle his genius, foresight, and natural advantages. They aim to harness and castrate - and they deserve his ire and the ensuing punishment he metes out to them in his infinite wisdom. It is a crusade against the injustice of not recognizing the narcissist’s true place in this world - at the pinnacle.

Beware especially of people who have provided you with a running list of those who have wronged them in some way, who seem preoccupied by such persons, and who are steadfastly convinced that they themselves are incapable of error. (The only error they might entertain is that they may have been “too nice” or “too trusting” in their regard for those who have victimized them.)

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